Sugarland - Stay

Oh for the love of....

Crying. Begging. For him to... stay. And a married man at that... the song, heartbreaking beautiful it is.... is about a woman, in love with a married man, begging that married man to... stay... with her.

Not only is he married, he's mentally defective. He has to be to inflict that kind of pain to his wife... and his mistress.  THATS NOT LOVE, IT'S MENTAL SICK!!!

Say it with me people... nnnaaarrrccciiissssiiiisssst... NARCISSIST!!!!

Married or not! Man OR Woman. Don't CRY. Don't BEG ANY asshole-holic narcissist to STAY!!!!!

Lonely??? It's better to be ALONE, not LONELY, than to lay there and CRYYYYY for a chump.

Oh HELL no! I could kick my own STUPID ass for all those times i layed there and cried.. for a chump????

I look back sometimes laughing, shaking my head and saying to myself... idiot. And not really an idiot that i let these narcissists emotionally beat me so bad .... but that i begged them to STAY and keep doing it to me. Some for years. One for 8 years.

The last one, couple years ago, i wasn't looking for it (i was happy with my friend with benefits at the time) but he was so cute and persistent and yeah, i fell hard in love. BUT i was telling myself to watch out. Oh, i acted normal as did he, .... love, you know, everything perfect for the first three months. It feels so real, i was starting to think, well maybe. Then..... something was not right. With a narcissist you can't explain it, but i was feeling really nervous. He was always looking for a fight i guess, is the best way to describe it.

I swear with every being in me, i went along with it.... acting as if i was an emotional wreck... because i wanted to 'study' this narc. Watching him, listening to him. I was fascinated. Sure, i'm still in 'love' with him, i'm even hoping i'm wrong and it's just a phase on his part.

About three months later, he was having another drama queen moment but this time he was implying that he cheated on me.

I  knew it, i knew it, i was ready for this. I remember acting like it about killed me. I was trying so hard to cry... for effects you know. It was emotional but i could not cry. I was making cry faces and pleading to him "why? why (name)? ... blah, blah blah" He says "i see how you look at your neighbor, i see how the guys from your job look at you"... blah blah blah.... Christ. So not true, just the narcissist being a narcissist.

By now, i am relaxing my facial and body expressions. I start to slowly smile, looking right at him. "Your a gotdamn  narcissist aren't you? Son of a bitch, i'll be damned, your a gotdamn narcissist" I am really smiling now.

I will NEVER forget the look on his face. He didn't know WHAT to think. Swear, he says "maybe i am"

I say...."well holy shit"

And sure it hurt. We always think well, this is the one. But this time the pain wasn't where i couldn't eat, i couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate. I thought of him everyday for the next couple of months, but after that... nothing.   And THAT is the greatest feeling.