Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Those Free Puppies/Kittens Ads...

                                FREE puppies! blah blah blah. FREE kittens! blah blah blah.

..... for Chrissake get your pets spayed or neutered. Or don't have pets. These kind of ads should never be placed.... EVER.     Pisses me off to no end.


Don't Touch that Donut!

What the fuck is wrong with an idiot customer, a regular or not, that decides they don't want that particular donut or claim that's not the one they asked for... and then  touch it as they are sliding it across the counter.     

Are you that stupid mental in your brain that doesn't tell you... don't touch it!!! Idiot. Because now I have to throw it away! I should charge you!

It's as tho they want to 'mark' it... like a dog would by pissing on it. Pig. I've seen what you were doing (big glass windows, coffee shop windows ) in the parking lot.... before you got out of the car.....

I set the donut, on a small plastic basket, bring it to the customer sitting down.... 'oh...oh... this isn't the donut I wanted'... and they slide the basket while putting their nasty thumb or finger... on the donut! Several times... over the years, myself, other servers, and even the owner.... ask, 'maam/sir, why did you touch the donut if you knew you are returning it?'...no answer..Fascinating. Let me answer... "because I'm not right in the head"

 Shit, it's not enough it was under you nasty nose and mouth, now you want to touch it? Fucker. And by the way... it IS the donut they asked for because the regular that is sitting within listening range.... tells them... 'that IS the donut you asked for...'   Thank you regular, I know I bitch a lot about what a pain in the ass you can be, so thanks.

Or the take-out customer. Reaches into the paper bag or box... pulls the donut out with their fingers {{shudder}} ....'can I exchange this'.......... WHAT???? What the fuck am I supposed to do with this donut, that you touched... now??? Put it back into the showcase???? So I take the donut with my own .... fingers... chuck it into the trash can. "Oh...oh" the customer says, looks dumbfounded. You've GOT to be kidding me.
AFTER you touched it...you think I"m going to put it back in the showcase... REALLY??


Every(normal)body Knows Chocolate, Right?

I was describing the cake donut and the glazed donut  in my " Guessing Games" blog post a couple of days ago. If you've ever been to a donut/coffee shop before.. several times... you know what it is. And now....
   A chocolate cake donut 
Also.. a double chocolate iced cake donut 
I CANNOT begin to tell you HOW MANY customers... sit-down... or take-out... point... and grunt.. to this donut and say.... "gimme... gimme... that, uhh... black donut. Black... donut. OOOO..K!!

You're about as stupid as a motherfucker could be. Black.  ... it's chocolate.... you dumb... fuck. Looking at it... it's... chocolate.

Ha! Oh I repeat after them... sounding super confused... "black?...this is chocolate"  Sometimes... I'll point right immediately under the donut, the sign... "See sir/maam... chocolate cake..."  They reply, because they're half-way over the counter anyways pointing... shooting their arm out forward vicariously... "you know what I mean!" .... Yeah, I know... I know you're an IDIOT!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Menopause - Ultimate Narcissist

Ultimate Narcissist. Menopause. The HOT FLASHES!!  This is the ultimate MONSTER. I've been suffering for almost ten years now. I HAVE NOT seen a doctor for this. I have been enduring AND dealing with it for almost ten years now. There is NOTHING to relieve it. So I've heard.

I know MANY women who go thru it and tried EVERYTHING for it. NOTHING helps.

ONE WOMAN:  Had uterus removed and had/has have to go back to Doctor because of more problems stemming from that surgery! But says her hot flashes had subsided. BUT if you're familiar with hot flashes... some months, years... are better than others!!

ANOTHER WOMAN: Had uterus removed and hot flashes are worse than ever!  

So.... would I take a gamble and have this procedure done???  HELL NOOO!!!

I know MANY woman who buy these over-the counter relief from menopause products. They DON'T work. I know MANY woman who have a prescription... for hot flashes... and they STILL have hot flashes!

Just when we women reach that age where we get rid of the human narcissist in our lives... this fucker comes... that we can't get rid of!!!! My God!!!

So.. if you're buying those over-the-counter medications. Or have a prescription... for this monster.. I don't think it's working.

Being completely... medicine-free from this over the years.. I HAVE noticed... that some months are better than others... some years... have been better than others.

ONE YEAR:  For about six months. I could NOT sleep for more than a half-hour at night. Woke up SWEATING profusely...AND I was SO thirsty for a glass of milk... every half-hour.

ONE YEAR:  For about six months. I could tell when a hot flash was fixin' to come. I would get this sensation... if you've ever been on a roller coaster... that feeling where you're stomach drops.... when you're going doooownnnn... the roller coaster. Hot flash... seconds later... big time. I remember thinking... "oh thank-you motherfucker, for giving me the heads-up" Drinking lots of water. Preparing for the hell.

I remember another year, for several months. They didn't come as often... but DAMN... day or night... the SWEAT pouring off me.... every twelve hours or so. Happened several times at work... over the months. My boss at work, one time.... took me by the hand... super busy hour... "Oh my God... are you ok?" She looked SO concerned. I apologized... customers glaring at me... sweat POURING off me. I'm kinda laughing, so she (boss) starts laughing... saying "OMG, omg"... lol.

I remembered when THAT phase subsided. Thank God! Nowadays I get them three, four, maybe five  times a day... for now. Not too bad. And they are uncomfortable... but I have learned to 'go thru' them. Or maybe just 'surrendered' to this monster... and wait it out.

Guessing Games

I have no beef with the tourists. They are my favorite customers. But...Mornings. Summer. Take-out. So many of them. And that's great! Ordering donuts by the dozen, more. .... I have my box that holds a dozen donuts, open. "Alright.. what kind may I get for you?"....  "gimme some plain, some chocolate iced, ummm..."

Wait... wait.. wait...  plain... some... wtf. Me smiling, "what's plain sir/maam?" They stare wide-eyed at me.  Plain.  It could ONLY be the cake donut or the glazed donut. I.. smiling, stare wide-eyed back at them.  Sometimes I just walk over to the cake donut, ready to pick it up... sometimes I walk over to the glazed donut, ready to pick it up. But whatever of those two donuts I randomly walk up to first... IT'S NOT the one. "no, no, no" they say, pointing to (I guess) a tray of assorted icing donuts. HOW ARE THESE PLAIN?
the glazed donut....
...the cake donut

You know.. I could understand if your a young person.. I don't know... up to 30? years old... but if your   40, 50, 60 years old..... I KNOW this isn't your FIRST time at a donut shop. I KNOW you know... how to order.... a donut. Playing these fuckin guessing games and there's a loooong ass line behind you. Don't tell me you want some... plain... donut. Some. If it were up to me... some...would be five or six donuts. I'm supposed to play guessing games... as to what some means to you. Plain donut... again.. is either cake with nothing on it.. or a glazed. But this gentleman this past weekend, in his late fifties... insisted blueberry is plain. Plain... regular... donut.

Oh... and just hours before that... a very well dressed elderly lady made me run around the whole donut showcase looking for two regular donuts. I go to the cake... "no, no" she says.... "the glazed? I say walking over to them..."no, no" she says. Pointing ...(can't read I guess, our donuts all have little signs under them)... "the ones with the chocolate icing"  ... "ok, the regular chocolate icing" I say out loud.

I am ALWAYS patient with the young and elderly who obviously aren't sure what kind of donut they are looking for and I explain the different kind of donuts there are... no matter how busy we are...but if you walk up to the front of the line and say "gimme some plain..." and HOLD A STARE at me... to see what I'm going to do... your playing fuckin games with me.

Are there REALLY that many people that like to see you squirm? What in the hell is going on?  I need to be like my morning co-workers. When a customer says "gimme some plain" they say "I don't know what plain is"... lmao... I just can't say that.... yet.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Dennis the Menace Episode Proves Me Right!

This scene from Dennis the Menace. episode Christmas Horse from 1960, proves me right!!! Regulars.... most regulars... many regulars think they're entitled to special service... special treatment...and special prices. In this day and age with the over-population and self-centeredness... you've GOT to be kidding.

Mr. McGuire: You've become one of my regulars. (five years)

Mr. Wilson... making conversation, hinting, leading up to a free or discounted special price....

Mr. McGuire... giving him the I know what you're trying to do look. "You hope to get another tree for .50cents?"

Mr. Wilson: (lmao) "Well of course"

Mr. McGuire: The price to you is $5.00

Mr. Wilson: I've always paid .50 cents...I've become a regular.

Mr McGuire: That's why I've had to keep my price up on Christmas Day... I can't afford all you regulars.

Mr. McGuire, feeling bad (a regulars intentions) "Well, I'll throw in a few sprigs and a mistletoe"

Mr. Wilson: (classic, lmao) "Well I should hope so, that's the least you could do. Next year I may give my business to someone else"  ..... Imagine Mr. McGuires relief. Sweet release from this stress causing, nervey, audacity.... soul torturer.

Thank-you Mr. Joseph Kearns (Mr. Wilson) and Thank-you Mr. Ernest Truex (Mr. McGuire) for this scene. Very well played!

And credit as well to writers William Cowley and Peggy Chantler Dick. I always wondered if this kind of idiocy went that far back... 1960.. at least.

You're Tired????

Tired... there's this one customer that comes in every single morning for years. morning, before daybreak. Asks me... 'how are you?'  'I'm fine' I say every single morning... before daybreak. "how are you?' I ask her every single morning... before daybreak. "Tired" she says, every single morning, before daybreak. She doesn't work, retired, nice pension. With sheer curiosity and finally after all these years I ask her, in a non threatening tone... "Why do you get up so early to come in here?" ... No answer as she is organizing her paper and coffee and spoon. She looks pissed now. Well, what the fuck. You're tired. 

What I really want to say is... "You're not too tired to come in here every, single morning."
                                             "You're tired? Really?"
                                             " Fuck you."

Forgive me.................................                                        
 I understand this person suffers from a form of ocd. Or insomnia. Or constipation. She takes a shit at the SAME TIME... after three cups of coffee and 30 minutes later. I don't think she can shit at home, as with lots of our regulars...  And I cannot imagine their suffering. But.... if you're going to come into a Coffee Shop at five at the morning and repeatedly wave your finger for more coffee and complain about the price....

 Ugh!!!... It's OK that you have to come in here every single morning. It's OK that you have to wave your talons at me for more coffee. It's OK that you have to complain about the price. And it's ok as hell that you don't leave a tip. And shit in the toilet I have to clean.... But, DON'T tell me, who comes in at four in the morning, sometimes seven days a week, doing twelve hour days.... that you are TIRED.


OMG, My Life is Over

Sometimes we close the Coffee shop a little early. We put a sign on the door a day ahead and verbally let the regulars know this. Like last Mother's Day for example. Fuck, I work, 10, 12 hour days sometimes, 6, 7 days a week. Closing a little early?  THANK GOD for little happy... things. I DO appreciate my job AND my many hours....but it is nice to close early... sometimes.

Oh how you can tell the regular almost go into a rage. They look calm... but the questions...  'Why?'... 'Is there anybody else that can work?' or the 'sheesh' and the sigh's...   'fine!' they exclaim. The mumbling under their breathe. The first thing they mention to another regular coming in, before the door even closes behind them.... 'Their closing early tomorrow...' you could hear the panic in their voice.

What is this crazy that they possess? Why is there not anything on the internet about.... this illness? These people have homes... they have money... they have transportation. WHY do they want to hangout at a Coffee Shop.... every...day? For years!

No other customers have a problem with us closing early. Not the every now and then sit-down customer .... not the every now and then take-out customer.... not any customer... ONLY the regular... customer. The one that comes in every... day, sits down and won't leave, won't shut up.

I think it's anxiety allright. But the anxiety is who will get me.... give me... put this... can you...I want...'finger wave come here' .... the 'head tilt come here'... WHO is going to jump at their every command? When no one is there? Who?  .......................................... no one. And this here... is what you have -----------------> 

Monday, July 21, 2014

Fleas. Monsters from Hell.

Fleas. What mother... fuckin.... monsters from hell... on this earth.... to our pets, and any other animal. I've come across some websites this summer....just browsing... about fleas. I've been giving my two small dogs flea medicine all these years. And they work GREAT! All of them.

But..... at the beginning of this summer, I have been online, on websites, seeing all natural sprays and organic all natural conditioners.... for dogs... that kill and repel... fleas. I'm thinking, wow. KILL and REPEL? ALL NATURAL? The reviews are GREAT! I'd like to try this! ... So I order just those. All natural spray and organic all natural conditioner. That KILL and REPEL these monsters from hell. This will be a great alternative to those drops that go on the back of their necks and those pills that they ingest.

WRONG!!!!  After spraying and conditioning my poor pets with this stuff for TWO weeks... it's not working. I'm thinking.... SHIT! My poor dogs!!! Maybe it's not a good brand. I ORDER another kind of brand... THE REVIEWS ARE GREAT!!

WRONG!!!!  Another TWO weeks of agony for my dogs. The FUCK!!!!!  I'm PISSED. I'm SOOO PISSED!!! First... MY POOR DOGS... second... ALL THAT FUCKIN MONEY... on CRAP!!!! I could of just took that $150 and flushed it in the toilet!!!!!

                              Look, here's a picture of the devil. Nasty motherfucker. I wanna vomit. 

You know what's funny as hell... in the middle of my pets ordeal with this all natural crap is that a take-out customer and myself were talking about that (he brought it up) and was telling me he ordered the same stuff... and called it garbage. I about fell over . I told him I ordered it too! And it doesn't work! Oh, he was pissed too. Lemongrass this... kills and repels up to four weeks that.

IN MY OPINION... Flea medicine ALWAYS worked. For my dogs. I literally CRIED when I FINALLY applied it to them and they STOPPED scratching, and gnawing.  After a fucking month and a week!! I could SEE their RELIEF.   I feel like an IDIOT for falling for that BULLSHIT. NEVER. AGAIN.

You see.... even PwoodeeCoo can be an idiot. A BIG IDIOT.

Take that Coffee Stirrer and....

 I love the mornings at work. People coming in to get something to eat and drink before heading to school, or work themselves. Pleasant hellos, order and go. Transactions are quick... and stress free. Most of them...

First One: Take-out customer, headed to work.... been coming in for about a year now... once every couple of weeks. Mornings. Orders quickly. Medium Coffee and a pastry. I set his coffee at the coffee station, by the register... and ring him up. "$5.24, please sir"..... he stirs his coffee.... seconds... seconds.... there's a long line behind him. "Sir, $5.24, please." he is still stirring his coffee, but side-eye glances at me. I am jittery, there is a long line behind him and people are glaring at him... and me! But I have to take his money and clear this transaction from the register. Finally, he is reaching in his pocket for his wallet...really slow.

"Thank-you sir" I say with a smile. He does this EVERY time. He will get his wallet when he's good and ready. Everybody and ... myself better understand this. Gotdamn narcissist.

Second One: Take-out customers, pair of guys, together, on their way to work... been coming in for as long as I can remember. Mornings. Slow-orderers, but not... agonizing. C'mon, you fucks been coming in for years, you must have SOME idea what the hell you want before you even enter the store. They always order a couple of coffee's. Stirring, looking at the showcase. Stirring, looking at the showcase. Keep in mind, they know what's there. The same things that have been there for years!! Ok,  finally.... "$12.99, please, gentlemen" I stand , kinda clasping my hands, smiling..... KNOWING I will have to repeat this at LEAST one more time. They are stirring their coffee's, talking to each other... ignoring me... they hear me, but being dicks. "$12.99.... please"  Finally, one of them is reaching into his pocket.... so slowly.... there is a long line behind them, people are glaring at them... and me.

They come in, EVERY morning. And the exact struggle. Every day. For years. To come get their narcissistic supply. I hate waiting on these fuckers.


Friday, July 11, 2014

If You Don't Mind...

At the Coffee Shop. Customers. You ask them.... Would you like a plastic bag? More coffee? Do you need a receipt for that? May I get you something else? Some of them say... "If you don't mind"  .... What the fuck is that? Do I mind?  Well.....it is a few seconds out of my way, but I really don't mind, I think to myself. And then I think... well.... it would be okay as well, if you just say "no thanks" and get on your way, I get on my way, it's been a long ass day/going to be...whatever... but I really don't mind. It's simply a yes... or no question.  Do I mind? That is stupid. And I hate to think about it. Just say 'yes, please' or 'no, thank-you.'

Or.... 'if you don't mind'... what the fuck, do you think I'm (working, on the clock) going to say, 'yes, I do mind and Im not going to do it...' do I have a choice? No, I have no choice. But I don't mind anyways!!! And maybe I do, I don't know.... why are you making me think about it!  Just say 'yes, please' or 'no, thank-you'.... if you don't mind.  For fucks sake.


Thursday, July 10, 2014

Mocking Rant

 Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind, when I close up the Coffee shop. I'm so happy the day is over. But almost every day there's a regular who pissed me off to no end. They were especially narcissistic that day, craving more attention than most days.

 Get me this, get me that, come look at this (newspaper article), come here I have something to tell you, can you throw this coffee out and get me a fresh cup, warm this up for me... more, can I have more ice in my water, but not too much... can you turn up the air, can you turn down the air, can you turn the (ceiling) fan down, can you turn the (ceiling) fan up.... blah blah blah.

 Getting them out of the shop at closing time is... hell. At five minutes to the hour, I tell them.. 'it's time to go' ..mentals go into attitude  'it's not time to go, it's not time to go, I got five minutes, it's not time to go'  Hysterical laughter within my body... oh the fuck, it is time to go, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH FOR TODAY! I stand by the door, keys in hand, gesturing... now. Soon as they're gone and I start cleaning up...I go into a mocking rant... 'it's not time to go, it's not time to go, I got five minutes, it's not time to go...'


Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Rich Old Lady Lost Her Mind

There's a super rich elderly lady that comes in the Coffee Shop. I've known her for years. She comes by every-now-and-then and she sits. And she's the most perfect customer.  She has a coffee and doesn't go into a rage when her favorite pastry is sold-out, she will pick out something else. (not like the others, they pout) When it is very seldom her and I are alone in the Shop...we have a short conversation, she picks up the newspaper, and I go do my work. She doesn't stay long, 45 minutes? She gets along with all the regulars and chats with them, but she prefers to sit around the other rich... people... if they are there.

Something... something about her from the beginning (years ago) gave me the creeps about her. And it's not that she's a non-tipper, because she is a pleasure to wait on. But I have caught on to her every-now-and-then remarks.  I can't remember any examples from the Coffee Shop... but I remember this.....
Couple years ago.  I was at the convenience store after work to pick up some milk... and smokes. Long line behind me. I'm paying. I have 15 singles and I'm counting them out... my total was $14 something. I HEAR about five people down the line behind me... SOMEONE... yell out.. "WOW LOOK AT ALL THAT MONEY!.... IS THAT WHAT YOU MADE TODAY?"

I didn't immediately recognize the voice, crackly. I didn't immediately think it was talking to me. Handing the cashier my money, I turn my head to the right.... double-take.... first I'm realizing it's the super rich elderly lady from the Coffee Shop. She's poking her head out from the crowd, waving at me, smiling ....Second,   I'm thinking WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE JUST YELL OUT?  I was pissed, I was embarrassed. Smiling, receiving my change... I yell out first thing I could thing of... laughing...."yeah, a whole $15... see you at the Shop!" I wave  bye.

And it's not so much the 'wow, look at all...' what the fuck is the 'IS THAT WHAT YOU MADE TODAY?
 That was TACKY. Tacky. Tacky. You STUPID. OLD. FOOL. Done lost her mind! She's making it sound like I have A LOT of money. I don't want to get mugged walking outside the store!!! What in hell compelled her to be SO STUPID???  IF! IF I were a QUICK THINKER and had ANY BALLS... I'd be like 'ALL THAT MONEY? REALLY??? WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET?????' .... The audacity!! Idiot!

That LOUD outburst PROVES to me what I already knew. Jealous, hateful and stupid. Does it make you so angry that I have $15. I guess having that in all singles... looks like a lot?   Do you wish I didn't have that much? Why are you even watching what's in my hand? From so far away??!!

No one is obligated to tip at the Coffee Shop, but fuck, you're sitting down. A server is bringing you a cup of coffee and a pastry... you're a fuckin... millionaire. I understand what I just did is hardly... anything spectacular. But fuck...... you can't leave... a quarter? Does it chap your ass... does the thought of me having that quarter drive you into a silent psychotic rage? NOW, I understand.

I didn't see her for MONTHS after that. I think she realized what she had said. She's also one of those who thinks because months go by, that I had forgot about it. Like those fuckers who borrow money. You don't see them for MONTHS. Months later, they pop up, thinking you forgot. LMAO. THEY... REALLY....THINK YOU FORGOT....  But that's another Blog Post.  Damn Mentals.

It's Cold in Here

Most mornings are so wonderful at the Coffee shop. So many customers. Out-of-towners, every-now-and-then locals... sit-down, take-out... we're sooo busy. Aside from near exhaustion and the sweat pouring off my body, I feel fine. Non stop since 8 o'clock this morning, with no break... 11 is approaching. It's slowing down. I look forward to this time. I can pop something in my mouth to eat. The door isn't constantly opening... thus making it cooler in the shop. My light-headedness is going away, whew, deep breaths......yes, much better...... and then........

....... I want to THROW UP. Just like clock-work, look who's coming.      
The narcissist. "It's cold in here".... In my head I'm praying to God... why? why God? I ignore the comment, like I do every day. Sometimes the narcissist shuts-up. Sometimes the narcissist raises it's voice... "can you at least turn down the ceiling fan"... The ceiling fan is on 2 speed, just right to circulate the air. 4 speed is 'helicopter' mode.... and with the last of the normal customers leaving... I was going to put it on that.. just long enough to cool down the place. It's fuckin 80 degrees in here! But now, with the monster here... I have to turn it almost completely off?

What kind of fucker can you be... and how could you sit there.......

This is the kind of fucker that can sit there very comfortably and watch you...sweat... pass out... shit your pants...and struggle to maintain your balance from the heat. This kind of fucker... after 20 years KNOWS exactly what time to come in.. every.. day... This fucker KNOWS.

Over the years... this fucker and myself have had civil arguments, some not so... as to why the place needs to cool off. One time, year or so ago... I stated... "I'm hot, I'm working, I'm not going to pass out because..."   I stopped at 'because' while viciously wiping down the counter. .....

Please listen readers and believe what I'm going to type right now.... this narcissist says.... "The customer is always right and I'm cold" .... I stop wiping down the counter... I laugh a little, shake my head, "really?"....'yes' the narcissist replies. I could feel my face tingling... I really think I'm going to have a heart attack. There's nobody but this monster in the shop, and it has it's coffee and donut... so I go into the bathroom to splash some water on my face, thinking I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS EVIL BEING IS EVEN ALLOWED IN THE STORE.

Recently this beast took a month long vacation to another Country. It was SO nice. What a DIFFERENCE when it stayed away. What a DIFFERENCE!

That's Strange

One regular comes in. It's just her and I. Ass hasn't touched the seat yet... asks if I have seen another particular regular yet that comes in everyday. Unbelievably, no I haven't, not yet, must be my lucky day. "Nooo" I say. So the regular says, 'that's strange.'  Strange.. I think. Strange is COMING IN EVERYDAY. I take a BIG chance and say with a super friendly smile and most calming voice.... I say..."well, it's kinda nice ... not to see the same person... every day..."  ---- silence----   I add  "sometimes a break... is needed..."  I'm wondering if I will say anymore... maybe I better shut up. --- silence--- as she is reorganizing her newspaper.  Holding my breath...  OF COURSE I'm on the edge of my seat ... hoping for a response... to what I just said.   .....................No comment.

Over the years... at different times... this exact scenerio has happened with every single one of the regulars, when it was just them and myself, alone at the Coffee Shop.  And they ask... if I have seen so and so, yet.

I say the exact same thing. I say 'nooo'  And they say 'that's strange'  Then, super friendly smile and most calming voice I say..."well, it's kinda nice... not to see the same person... every day..."    There is ALWAYS, silence, no comment after that.  I always add. "Sometimes a break... is needed..."  And I always wonder if I'm going to say something more.... but I don't. Because, they say... nothing... or change the subject.

I find that VERY interesting. They all say , 'that's strange' ... they think... it's strange.... when an everyday regular ... hasn't come in.. yet.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Starbucks Coffee Shops

Surfing the internet over the years, I like to read about other Coffee Shops out there... about their customers. I come across Blogs about customers sitting in Starbucks. Buying one drink and sitting for hours, on their computers. I have never worked in such a Coffee Shop and I wonder.... how would that make me feel.

By the way, before I go on.... much respect and a big kudos to the Barista's that make these delicious Coffee's. That is a skill I don't think I will ever know. All I do is pour regular hot coffee into a styrofoam cup and put a donut, or sandwich into a paper bag.... it's an old fashioned Coffee shop.

Old fashioned Coffee Shop, with those letter U counters, short stools and counters, that no matter where I am in the sit-down area, customers faces are directly, inches from my ass. It's an awkward, cringe-y  feeling.. and I wonder how the regulars can sit there all day every day, smelling my ass.

I see the plus working at Starbucks because the customers sit so far away from the employees and cannot talk, pester and stare them to death. Or do they? But I can certainly understand them hanging around all day on their computers taking up seats for other customers.


C'mon, Go Out With Me

Working in the restaurant business, you meet and get to know lots of people. Lots of... guys.... in my case.

You kinda get to know when one of them is going to try and ask you out. Rarely, there's a connection. But MOSTLY.... no. There are the ones who are really respectable and ask super sweetly. It really doesn't hurt to ask. And leave it ALONE when you let them know... 'I'm really sorry, but I'm so busy lately, I just don't have the time right now'

They know, you know and I know.... if you are attracted to someone... there is ALWAYS time. And much respect to the gentlemen... that... let it go... at that.

Then there is the one regular who used to come in ALLLL the time. Found a girlfriend, and don't see him for a year, more. Thank-you Jesus, because he WOULD NOT SHUT UP. But.... he's baaaaack. And... asking me out. Trying to be nice as possible, I'm hinting, no. Over and over for days.  He says to me...."you must have a boyfriend..." hmmm... "you must have a boyfriend"....wow.. I must have a boyfriend. There is NO other reason. Not because simply, I don't want to, there is no... attraction.... but I must have a boyfriend. The self-centered individual cannot fathom any other reason. There are MANY like this out there.

They LITERALLY believe ... you will not go out with them because you ALREADY have... a boyfriend. They CANNOT believe ... you will not go out with them because.... you simply don't want to.


Complete NUT

 In the many years of my career, I've seen this a lot. But it has been several years since I have seen it last. At the Coffee shop actually. I've never seen this guy before. It is a tourist town... so... Looking about 40ish,   well dressed, good looking, he is picking out a box of donuts, it's the afternoon, couple regulars sitting in there too... OF COURSE....

Well, I see a woman, about his age, well dressed, good looking... approaching the Coffee Shop from outside. She is smiling, arms swaying from side to side, walking confidently . In she comes... grabs him lovingly from behind...'what's taking you so long?' (it hasn't been a minute and a half) asking him, but looking at me... she, still smiling, got a hold on him, but looking at me. I can't remember but she was saying things like.. 'oh, you're just flirting with the lady' something like that and she's rubbing his face and shoulders, while looking at me!  Smiling, looking at me... so weird-ly! I'm nervous! 
At this point, I'm thinking.... she is a  complete MENTAL CASE and I wish he would just pick out their fuckin donuts and get the hell out of here. She's not once looking at the... donut selection. Staring at me, glancing at him. And I'm looking at the wall... at the donuts, at him... at her..... My God. I could swear he's stalling. He doesn't seem to be afraid of her or concerned for me.

So now, she is trying to pick a fight with him. Something about something that happened at the hotel they were staying at....  something about flirting with a female bartender, and now me, the donut lady. He's taking his time picking out the donuts... she's whispering... 'you're flirting with the (donut) lady'... hanging on him, he's 'shooing' her with his hands, laughing. I was so afraid! ....This was years ago. TODAY... I would of told them... to leave!... now! I put up with mental idiocy with the regulars... but this was a COMPLETE NUT.

And one may feel sorry for the guy... but I remember VIVIDLY... he was enjoying it!!! I can't help but wonder, in relationships like that... who's the more nut case.


Wednesday, July 2, 2014

An Angel Walks Into a Restaurant...

A regular?  There is a reason for the expression.... One In A Million. Good for her and God Bless him.

There are a.... couple... of multi-millionaires that come by the Coffee Shop.... very often. They keep to themselves and because of that... it's always a pleasure to see and wait on them. I basically just serve them coffee. It's an easy $1.00 tip.

Sons Of Sylvia Ashley Clark

Having the day off, morning coffee, relaxing... Reading the AOL news... I come across this story. Of course, this picture catches my eye. I'm looking and looking...bet your ass I'm looking and looking. 'Hey, he looks familiar. That's Ashley Clark from Sons of Sylvia. Wow, I was a big fan when I first saw them on  American Idol few years ago... what the heck are they up to?....'  I tear my eyes away from the picture, lol, to read the story.   Zac Efron?... I'm trying to remember the last time I've heard ... or saw a picture of Zac Efron.. it wasn't like this..... wow, Zac.

This is the last time I saw Ashley Clark......  
...... Ok, done a little googling... I see. Ashley and his brother's went their separate ways. What a shame. I loved Love Left to Lose and I'll Know You. Ashley shouldn't be in the background of anything. Has the talent, voice and the look.


Imagine EveryDay off from Work

Imagine everyday off from work. Imagine... there's that magical day for a lot of people. I believe that is called retirement. But not necessarily.  There's a lot of people who are fortunate to retire in their late fifty's.... very comfortably....by making the right career choices. Some are able to retire even earlier.... collecting an inheritance. Even getting hurt on... the job. Not too seriously, not at all... just enough to 'live happily ever after'..... like hanging out at Coffee Shops, etc.....  

Lately I've  been fortunate...having a couple of days off a week (my God how nice!) ....I've been daydreaming about.... not being at work... anymore... ever.    Sigh.........

But I have a feeling my fortunate...regulars ....will be around a long, long time.... to terrorize my unfortunate ass.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Please Take Them Away From Here

I have seen this... on and off for the past thirty years. At the Coffee Shops, at the Diners, I have worked. A family member, coming for them... them, the regular. The regular customer, that comes in every... day.

"Isn't it time, to come home?" the family members asks, standing beside them, the regular, sitting on that little stool for the past two hours. The response.... 'I just got here'
                                                                     'Leave me alone'
                                                                     'I'll be home soon'

                                           Running away from home to go to the Coffee Shop              

Why isn't this type of  behavior acknowledged anywhere on the internet?

The ONLY thing out there is Jack Nicholson's character from the movie As Good as it Gets. And even his character breaks out of that repetitive behavior.

I'm SORRY these people suffer from this. BUT when you go into a place of business and want to be entertained by the people that are trying to work....... that's not my job!!!! I can't entertain every regular that comes in... it's impossible!!!!

I have learned over the past couple of years... they go to retail shops, fast food restaurants... other coffee shops... diners... Walmart... Target, Home Depot! Every. Single. Day. WHAT is this new? form of mental illness? Or has it been around? Well, I know for a fact it goes back to coffee shops and diners for the past 30 years.... but K-mart? Pet shops? A local hardware store in town that's been here for 20 years says there is a gentleman that has been coming in everyday for the past 10 years, more.... every. single. day. FOR WHAT???
The employee says, 'sometimes he will buy something, but ALWAYS comes to the register to chat.' 

Happens so often, almost every day. I'm  sooo busy at the Coffee Shop. NO JOKE, 8 hours straight, no break, co-worker and myself. Co-worker goes home. From now till closing it's not much business... except for the regulars. SURE ENOUGH... he sits down at the stool RIGHT where I'm straightening up the donut and sandwhich showcase. My MOUTH is exhausted. My BODY is exhausted. My BRAIN is spent. All I want to do is organize the mess, get my little tv dinner and pull up a chair in the back, the kitchen and get a few bites before or if... any more real customers come in.

He starts talking about what he did that morning. Pausing and hesitating, trying to get me to acknowledge or answer him. I'm ....'mm-hmm' , 'uh-huh'......... THIS FUCKER GETS MAD!!!! ..... "Whatever" he says. I keep ignoring him... thinking... OMG.... FUCK YOU....SHUT UP!!! Take that fuckin cup of coffee your going to take two sips of and sit here for 3 hours with and GO AWAY!!  MY GOD!!!